Life takes many sharp turns and twists

"I learned writers are kind of difficult in many ways. Damn you, Hemingway."


I tweeted that last Wednesday on my Twitter account (@ Bontyful). That was a day after learning writers are difficult to understand.

Or as I prefer to say, "Writers are just hard people to read, much more than their stories or books."

This is part of the growing and reflective time I am going through.

It's not that I look like a bad ass after midnight.

I'm just one that doesn't allow people to read me.

Ironic, since I have said people are like books, there is more to them than the cover. The pages within are the true telling signs of people. And those books continue to be written every day of our lives.

I am not really upset with Ernest Hemingway. I realize he took his own life. He was brilliant and mesmerizing in his writing and his journey.

I am not mellowing, at least I do not believe I am. I feel I am growing into the person I am. That has been a struggle of mine for many, many years.

Why it has taken me this long (I am 50 years old) to figure it out, I can only answer, it is the journey laid out for me.

That journey the past three years has been one where I have fallen short of the person I was raised to be.

It is not fair to treat or hurt a person or persons behaving like a drunken fool.

I have had three strikes and I'm out, but I am still up at home plate.

I am thankful for that.

Where this journey leads, I do not know.

I do know I am comfortable spending time alone.

After working, I have found it easier to put the job down and relax. I have taken up reading more as well as writing more about my life and times as a misguided Hoosier.

There are times I think flying solo might make the world better for people.

There are other times I need people in my life.

There are times I haven't a clue.

This I do know, I have a strong friendship with someone. It is a wonderful thing to have not damaged that part of a relationship.

For years I have held things in that needed fixed.

But through doing the unthinkable, a door has opened to allow me to deal with these demons and get better.

No more wanting to make the world smile. It won't and can't take away the cold hard fact I have run from my problems.

I have no answers to problems of others. How can I when I am looking for answers myself?

Friends and family are not on their own, but I will only be there to offer a shoulder or a hug.

Am I scared. You bet I am.

Am I concerned about the future. Yes, but I have to just deal with today.

There are no fairy tales. There are ways that stories end in a positive way.

I continue to have faith, hope and love.

I believe.

My hope is you do too.